Everybody Was Kung-Fu Fighting

Do I really look like a guy with a plan? You know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! You know…I just do things.
The Joker - The Dark Knight

Yesterday was quite an exciting time, alot of kills, a nice fight and a good nights sleep. Sometimes things just break your way.

I walked the decks of the Aces and Eights and got into my pod. The Aces is the Kestral build I started pirating with, and still use from time to time. I wandered into Eifer, after telling myself I'd just stay docked and relax a bit, and found two frigates taking down some Angel Cartel goons. I've had a growing hatred for the Angel Cartel, and these two frigates were doing me and the rest of the region a favor by taking them out. I however, am a pirate by trade, and these guys were ripe for the picking.

I scanned down the Executioner first. I warped in next to him, literally. Targeting went up and he was locked down with scram and web. Gremlin rockets started raining on him and he pops. The pod hung around for a few seconds and I locked it down. I asked for 1 million in local but got no response, so I popped the pod as well. Well, that went better than I expected.

I moved back into my scanning location, I saw the other ship, a Rifter on my scan. This was piloted by someone over a year old. He no doubt had the skills to give me a run for my money, so I programmed the asteroid belt I suspected he was at into my navcom and began to warp.

I warped in about thirty clicks away from him, activated my afterburner, and burned in his direction. I held off on targeting him until I was twelve clicks off, so as not to spook him. He was still trying to grab some loot out of a Angel wreck when the lock resolved, scrams came on, and the web slowed his ship to a crawl. Only then did he target me. His armor was half gone already, and I made quick work of him. I locked down his pod as well and pulled into a tight orbit of 500 meters. I once again suggested in local that he pay me 1 million or die. I got no response, so I decided to try a different tack, I opened a private convo with the target.

Hallan Turrek > 1 million and you live.
Kyle Ribacchi > how do we do that?
Hallan Turrek > Right click my name and give money.
Kyle Ribacchi > is there any gurantee ill live?
Hallan Turrek > My word.
Hallan Turrek > You will die elsewise. 10 secs.

At this point my wallet flashes, I load it up to make sure it's not a dummy deposit.

Hallan Turrek > Thanks.

My first ransom, paid and delivered. It took me a bit later to realize that since he was a year old, he likely would've paid more than that, but it went well, all considering.

So, happy to have a ransom in my pocket, I headed back into Gusandall, I docked up, picked up some ammo, and started to head in the direction of Evati, where apparently pirates are becoming extremly wealthy on the strength of other's stupidity.

I was headed down the pipe as I noticed an Abaddon on the same route as myself. I ignored him mostly till I came out of a gate in Gultratren and saw a field of wrecks. I spied, just 20 clicks away, a Vagabond wreck, I burned in it's direction and picked up some faction ammo for my trouble. I was about to warp away as the Abaddon's guns laid some serious damage on my shields. I was in warp in mere moments and chuckling to myself.

For me, this Kestral is the definition of disposable, so I thought that taking down that Abaddon was not in it's power, but if he was stupid, maybe I could keep a point on him until someone else could. I warped back to the gate but he'd gone. Ahh well, easy come easy go.

I warped a couple of gates down the pipe and see my friend in the Abaddon again, literally a couple thousand meters from my ship. I pulled into a tight orbit of 500 meters like always and started to sing "Kung-Foo Fighting". Don't ask me why.

Oh Oh Oh hoooooooo. My targeting system resolved long before his did.

Oh Oh Oh hoooooooo. Gremlin's began to fly, I kicked on my afterburner, webber, and scram.

Oh Oh Oh hoooooooo. He still hadn't targeted me.

Oh Oh Oh hooooooooo. There we go, he had a target lock too.

Everybody was Kung-Foo fighting, those cats were fast as lightning. Heeeey, drones, that's not fair. In fact it was a little bit frightening, but they fought with expert timing. Oh look, my shields are gone. There were funky china men, from funky china town. Ow, hey! Stop that, I like my armor where it is! They were chopping them up, they were chopping them down. Oh, fine, I didn't want that armor anyhow. It's an ancient chinese art and everybody knew their part. Ok fine, I brought the planets tab up, obviously this was going badly. From a feint into a slip and kicking from the hip. I spammed the warp button until I was free from the confines of my Kestral. I bid the Aces and Eights a fond farewell and warped away.

Ok that went badly, but damned if it wasn't fun. What's great about it is that as I left my wreck of a Kestral behind he said and I quote "GF I guess, but that was a little crazy,". I said "You obviously haven't met me before," and warped my pod back into Gusandall.

I decided to call it a night. I had the deck hands load up another of my many Kestrals for tommorrow and walked to my quarters.

Good day.

Everybody was Kung-Foo fighting...