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My name is Hallan Turrek. This is my blog.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Look at a Star

Stay free, where no walls divide you
You're free as the roaring tide
So there's no need to hide
Matt Monro - Born Free

I don't know why, but I'm having trouble writing lately. My dad used to call it feeling "out of pocket,". Still not sure what in the hell that means, but I think my problem is focus. I'm doing a lot of killing these days, you know? I sometimes wonder if there's some peace in dying for those people. The fear melts away like snow on an outstretched hand.

You know that fear right? You're flying through space in your ship, expensive or no. You want to get somewhere. You want to do something. You want to live. Down I swoop, down my friends come. You're stuck, there's nothing to do. We peel away the rinds, shields, armor, structure. We're just trying to get you out of there, but you don't want to come out.

Away your consciousness goes into some forgotten clone far away. You sputter some curse as you climb out of the vats. But the fear's gone. It's uncomfortable as hell, but at least you're safe. I'm gone.

Far away again, I reach out to someone, and I'm not even sure of what I want to find.

But it's fucking cold out here.

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